We Have To Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men

Most popular books about relationships stress gender differences: We're from different planets, we don't understand each other, our words have different meanings, and so forth. This book asserts that we can understand our differences and get past them, replacing isolation with connection in a healthy, growth-fostering relationship. The authors call this "getting to 'we.'"

Shem and Surrey have worked with more than 20,000 men, women, boys, and girls. We hear workshop participants using "gender dialogue": asking questions to aid in understanding and reconnecting, such as "Name three strengths the other gender group brings to relationships," "What do you most want to understand about the other gender group?", and "What do you most want the other gender group to understand about you?"

"Disconnections between men and women are inevitable--no one ever gets it right the first time, or all the time," say the authors. "It's not only what you do that matters, it's what you do next." This book gives insights into our differences--such as men's "relational dread" and women's "relational yearning," and how to move past conflict to collaboration. The chapter "How Couples Grow" is invaluable, describing a detailed process to work through impasses and rediscover the "we" in your relationship. --Joan Price