Beowulf Is Boring

This is not your English teacher's Beowulf. This is Beowulf with sex. Fire. Boobs. Battle scenes. Explosions. Human sacrifice. Ninjas. Hot chicks. Stuff blowing up. Cannibalism. Drinking. Did we mention boobs? Oh, there's still the requisite crap with Grendel, his mother, the dragon and ancient Anglo-Saxon legends. But this is Beowulf the way it should have been from the beginning. Which is to say, not boring. You have our word on that. Because if it is boring, the author and 32 totally innocent people will burn in Hell for the rest of eternity, and the Devil is waiting to take their souls. And maybe yours too. Don't say you weren't warned!