I Wish I Would've

A smell similar to old collard greens overwhelmed me as I walked up to Granny’s casket. I began to tremble in my black dress as I peeked over the edge and looked in at her. Her make-up was darker than her true hot chocolate skin color, and she appeared to be asleep. Her graying hair was brushed down over her shoulders making her look like a witch. As I stood there with my tearful mother, I prayed Granny wouldn’t wake up and burn me with a long white cigarette like she had done so many times in the past. During the service Mom constantly looked over her shoulder toward the front door. She was very antsy and held on to her purse tightly. Mom whispered to a friend she was waiting for G-Pa because she had a “heater for his behind”. G-Pa did not come to the funeral, and Granny never got up again. I began to have nightmares about Granny soon after seeing her in her casket. In my dreams, she had very long black hair down to her waist and was extremely ashy. Her lips were so dry, they resembled white raisins and she had very dark rings around her eyes, like a raccoon. The part of these nightmares that scared me the most was what she would say to me. In a sing song voice, to the tune of London Bridge she would repeat, “You’re a devil seed and you are bad, devil seed, you are bad, you’re a devil seed and you are bad, now I’ll beat you!” I would hide in my closet, sit on the floor and pray for Mom to come and save me. Granny would turn the door knob frantically while continuing to sing her song. The door would rush open and Granny would reach out to attack me, the needle that caused her death still dangling in her arm.