Talking in the canteen yesterday about pets and the likes, one girl known for confusing her words came out with this in front of six or seven of us: ""My cousin has a few birds but isn't allowed keep them in the house, so he built an actuary out the back for them."" A few weeks ago walking past the statue of Phil Lynott I noticed an American couple. The wife (I presume) said, ""Quick, George, take a photo of me beside Michael Jackson!"" Sitting in the bog in a city-centre pub after a few scoops, the bloke in the next cubicle says, ""Howya, how's it goin'?"" to which I reply, ""Ah, not too bad!"" Then he says, ""Sorry!"" and I say again, ""Not too bad!"" Then he says, ""Listen I'll ring you back, there's some lunatic in the jacks next to me!"" I cringed - and waited till he left!