Feng Shite: A Little Book of House Messing

Never again will you wonder where to position that priceless antique chair - with three weeks of dirty laundry on it you won't be able to see it! The 3-step rubbish plan: buy bin liners that are fractionally too small for your bin; rather than empty the bin, squash down the contents so that more rubbish will fit in; and, keep squashing in rubbish until it is affirmed that the bag will definitely split when you lift it out. Holiday unpacking formula: x(x+2) = y, where x is the number of days you were on holiday and y is the number of days you leave your half-unpacked suitcases and toiletry bags scattered throughout the house.