Beyond Mars & Venus: Lessons of Dialogue and Peace, a Buddhist's perspective

We need to talk. These four words addressed to anyone who lives or works with others signify that a conflict is about to begin. But since we really don't come from Mars or Venus, our choices of flight or fight only serve to add to the conflict. But what if we could use that conflict to create lasting, loving friendships? Making assumptions and reacting according to our own interpretations of another s behavior only make matters worse, Andrus says. Rather than communicate, we blame the planet the other person is coming from instead of checking it out with dialogue. We have forgotten how to communicate. We observe. We interpret. We believe. We agitate. We separate." Differences characterize all our relationships. They provide the flavor and the uniqueness that makes others attractive. Rather than liabilities, our differences become our assets; but they also create tension. Conflict boosts our passions, creativity, and existence out of complacency and into a world of fulfilling interactions characterized by compassion, trust, love, wisdom, and peace--if we use dialogue. The Buddhist principle of oneness with the universe allows us to see the connections we have with each other that persist through many lifetimes. By recognizing these connections, we work to resolve those differences that keep causing us to repeat the same behaviors expecting different results. This book demonstrates the lessons of dialogue that convert conflict into loving and peaceful relationships.