Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman

“It is perfectly normal to experience depression and ruminate morosely about your fate as an immortal. This is the one part Anne Rice got right. That and the steamy homoeroticism.” --“Vampires in Popular Culture,” Dexter Bloodgood’s Survival Guide for Modern Vampires, 19th Edition His skin is blistered from the sun, he can't sleep at night, and he wants to suck the blood out of a raw steak, but mailman Louis Cross still can't believe his doctor's diagnosis: he's a vampire. But it turns out the small town Doc has an agenda. He's an ancient creature of the night, and his people are an endangered species. His plan? To turn Louis along with half the town into vampires using a serum disguised as a flu shot. Thanks to a handy book, DEXTER BLOODGOOD'S SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR MODERN VAMPIRES, Louis learns that being a vampire comes with all sorts of drawbacks (erectile dysfunction, anyone?), and when the new fledglings start to turn up missing or, in several cases, murdered and dismembered, he suspects the doctor's plans are a lot more sinister. He and his friends embark on an adventure to learn the absurd truths at the heart of vampire lore so they can save their town and give Louis back the only job he ever wanted: carrying the mail. A satirical urban fantasy, Scarlet Letters: The Tale of the Vampire Mailman sticks its tongue firmly in its cheek and keeps it there.