'Twas the Season: A Tale of Yuletide Yunsers

Who knew that working for a glitzy department store could be so annoying—and so dangerous? Steven A. Girard finds that out during the Christmas shopping season in 1989. With an unusual style and unrelenting sarcasm he recounts how he unraveled the real mysteries of Pittsburgh in this story of mock-epic proportions, featuring a cast of dozens of not-entirely lovable, wacky denizens of America’s Rust Bowl. The plot builds on a seemingly unrelated real-life case of death by dismemberment in Pittsburgh to give us unforgettable characters whom Girard identifies by their occupational epithets, titles all for faux retailing royalty such as Pola of Sweaters, Enos of Men’s Shoes, Janice of Active Men and Jenny of Girls 7-14. His creepy villain is Tuckle of the Red Carnation and the United Way Pin, obsessed with mannequins and keeper of a terrible secret.