Something About a Sword and a Stone? (Arthur Dies at the End) (Volume 1)

DID YOU KNOW: Sir Balin, the knight who delivered the dolorous stroke, was so stupid half of Camelot assumed it was an act to cover for his witchcraft? Sir Gawaine was a whiny little brat who demanded unlimited special treatment on account of he was King Arthur’s nephew? Arthur only married Guinevere to get his hands on her dowry, the Round Table? Nobody liked Merlin because he was terrible? If you did know all those things, clearly you’ve read Le Morte d’Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory, and I pity you. No one should have to slog through that pile of continuity errors and insipid descriptions of jousts. I’ve spent years of my life poring over all twenty-one Books of this foundational work of fantasy literature, dreadful as it is. Here, for your amusement and edification, I recount, dissect, and ruthlessly mock each ridiculous plot contrivance, each self-contradictory anecdote, and each unnamed damsel who runs in from offscreen and dies. Arthur Dies at the End volume 1: Something About a Sword and a Stone? covers Books I through III of Le Morte d’Arthur. Here you’ll find King Arthur’s earliest days, from the hilarious and rape-filled account of his conception to the bit with the sword in the stone we all remember to his first war to his loveless wedding to Guinevere and his nephew Gawaine’s very first quest (he screws it up pretty bad)! ARTHUR DIES AT THE END: I read Le Morte d’Arthur so you don’t have to!