Our Cheating Hearts: Love & Loyalty, Lust & Lies

A revealing book about the state of modern monogamy—what it stands for, how it works and doesn't work, and how couples can manage ruptures in sexual fidelity

Many people manage to be monogamous, yet also think of adultery as the "crime" they could imagine themselves committing. But does being "faithful" mean the same to everyone? Why do people have affairs? Using real-life testimony from those who have "cheated" and those who have been cheated on, alongside the most up-to-date research, this book looks at the big questions around love and commitment. It demonstrates how, in our progressive times, monogamy has become the new ideal, standing above all as the primary symbol of commitment. It also looks at the new problems that this has created: increasing the allure of the affair, exacerbating the need for deceit, making trust harder, and highlighting the shame and the wounds of betrayal. This book lifts the taboos, asks the tough questions, and suggests that we can survive an affair and that it can lead to a better understanding of ourselves and our relationships. Many couples manage monogamy either throughout their relationship or for long periods of time—but for the countless others, a more honest and humane public debate around the subject of infidelity is essential. This book, by the author known and respected for charting the emotional territory of relationships, begins that conversation.