The Humping Dead: An Erotic Parody

THE DEAD HAVE ARISEN AND THEY'RE HORNY AS HELL!

They called it the Smiling Bob.

The virus came out of nowhere, spreading across the globe with alarming speed. At first it was just an embarrassing malady, the localized swelling, the enhanced sex drive. But then people started going crazy. They started dying by the millions... and they started coming back.

NO HOLE IS SAFE! NO ORIFICE OFF LIMITS!

When Sheriff's Deputy Dick Grimes awakens from a coma after being injured in the line of duty, he finds himself lost and alone in a nightmarish world where the dead have come back to life. The only thing he wants is to find his wife and son, but standing in his way is an army of the undead... and these zombies are hungry for something other than brains!

The Humping Dead is a hilarious, perverse, no-holes-barred adult parody of the popular cable television show.

TAKE A SNEAK PEAK AT THE CRAZINESS INSIDE!

Ten years of law enforcement had honed Dick s reflexes to a razor edge. He dropped to the ground the instant he heard movement.
Crawling forward on his hands and knees, he peered beneath the vehicle he had just taken cover behind. Humper? Survivor? You had to be careful of both. Sometimes the survivors were just as dangerous as the Humpers.

A moment later, a pair of dainty white feet shuffled into view.

It was a young woman s feet with maroon painted toenails. They were stuffed into a pair of loose pink flip-flops. Breathing as quietly as possible, Dick watched as those feet trudged toward him. The sandals flapped softly against the woman s heels as she walked. Slap slap The woman paused, stood there for a moment, and then she turned and faced the other direction.

Dick eased up, scowling as his knees popped. The woman slid into view as he rose. Thin. Tan. Very nicely shaped. She was dressed in pastel blue short-shorts and a striped tube top. Curling blond hair cascaded down to angular shoulder blades.

He still couldn t tell if she was a Humper or a survivor.

Young lady? he said. Don t be scared. I m a police office.

She didn t seem to hear him. Just stared off into the blameless summer sky. Maybe she was in shock. He wouldn t be surprised if she was.

Young lady? he said a little louder.

He eased around the hood of the car a nice new Mercedes-- fingers still resting on the butt of his pistol.

Hey, lady, he said, putting his hand on her shoulder.

As soon as he touched her, he knew. She was hot, burning up with fever, an active infection. He jerked his hand away, started to retreat, but she was fast. The infected woman pivoted with a rabid snarl, eyes red and crazed, features twisted into a caricature of insanity, and then she leapt at him.

Dick cried out as he fell against the hood of the Mercedes, the woman on top of him. The impact drove the breath out of him. His pistol, which he was in the process of drawing from its holster, went clattering across the pavement.

Squealing with savage glee, the Humper held onto the shoulders of his uniform top and began to slaver his face with her tongue.

Oh, God Get off Ick! No! Dick grunted as the madwoman molested him. He turned his head back and forth, trying to keep her virulent saliva from getting in his eyes or mouth.

She drove her breasts into his face with a howl of triumph then. They were huge, swollen by the infection. She beat them against his cheeks and forehead, ground them against his lips, flapped them together with his face in between. He felt like he was being pummeled to death by two giant hot water bottles.