There would be no happily ever after for me. I loved hard, but loss even harder. Everyone I ever cared about ended up leaving; by force, not choice. I ran them all away because I couldn’t love anyone until I learned to love myself first. I guess it’s true when they say, “You never forget your first love,†but in my situation, I never allowed anyone to be the second or the last. My heart had been torn into so many pieces, that a master puzzler couldn’t put it back together if he tried. I walked around for years living my life in a zombie state, when I thought I was living; I was just existing.
How could I give the man I promised under God to spend the rest of my life with my whole heart, when I knew it would never be whole again? How could I continue to live a lie, when the truth was seeping through my pores? How could I allow my children to believe that true love really existed outside of family, when I wasn’t leading by example? I felt like I was choking on lies and needed to get out of there. I needed to free my mind, soul, and heart of any and everything that was holding me back from loving again. Let me take you back to where it all started………