You rookies really think you’re ready to fight eldritch entities? Don’t make me laugh. You’re not ready. Not even close. These monsters come from other worlds and dimensions, and just looking at some of them can drive you insane. Here at the Australian Department of Unusual Events, we don’t believe in sending rookies on suicide missions, which is why none of you are going anywhere near an eldritch entity on your own.
Of course, things don’t always go to plan. Sometimes, you don’t have to go looking for a primeval cosmic horror from another world – one comes looking for you. When that happens, I suggest using the biggest gun you can get your hands on. Unfortunately, guns don’t always help. Some of these abominations are strong enough to wipe out entire cities. If you run into one of those monsters, you’ll need something a lot bigger than a gun. How about some artillery? That tends to help. Hell, you could even use a nuke. It wouldn’t be the first time.
But let’s start a little smaller. You’re rookies. Leave saving the world to the veterans. Today, I’ll be going over one of my old missions. If you want to learn how to fight eldritch entities, then I suggest you pay attention and take notes. I’m not perfect, but I’m still alive, which means I must be doing something right.