SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
ORACLE
1. Make sure you're on dry land. This book was not designed to be used underwater. (The pages get all soggy.)
2. Think of a yes/no question you need the answer to. If you already know the answer, there's really no point in asking the book.
3. Pick up the book, concentrating on your question. If you're already holding the book, you can skip this step.
4. Resist the urge to go jellyfishing.
5. Ask your question out loud, unless it's really embarrassing.
6. Rub your fingers along the edges of the book's pages until it feels right to stop.
7. STOP!
8. Open the book to the page you stopped at. Read what it says. That's the anwer to your question.
NOTE: Some pages let you know that the book wasn't quite ready to answer your question. Simply wait a little while (approximately the amount of time it takes to eat a Krabby Patty), then ask your question again, following the instructions above.
ANOTHER NOTE: Some answers are very clear. Some aren't. You may have to interpret the answers just as you interpret a fortune cookie.
ONE LAST NOTE: This book tastes nothing like a fortune cookie, so don't eat it, no matter what Patrick says.