Wicked French

Caveat emptor: Any traveler to France who actually says to the customs agent Bien sur, soyez le bienvenu pour reduire ma valise en miettes. Heureusement ce ne sont que des valises moches de Louis Vuitton! (Of course you're welcome to tear my suitcase apart. Lucky they're only these tacky Louis Vuitton bags!) is likely to find him or herself detained at the customs desk for a nice, long spell. Likewise, responding to a waiter's suggestion with Je reserve la lamproie a la bordelaise pour un occasion speciale (I'm saving a stew of blood-sucking eels for a very special occasion.) just about guarantees bad service. In other words, the French you'll learn from Wicked French for Travelers is probably best enjoyed at home before you go.

Like Henry Beard's French for Cats this slim volume is meant to amuse more than educate. Surely you wouldn't really expect some Parisian beauty to respond to a pick-up line like Comment vous appelez-vous, mon bijou de trente-six carats? (What is your name, my jewel of thirty-six carats?) or hope to make it out of a post office alive after demanding of the clerk if he has a porcupine stuck up his rear end (avez-vous un porc-epic coince entre les fesses?). Our advice: Read Wicked French and have a good laugh before you go--but take a different phrase book with you on your trip.