My Name is Ben, and I'm a Nurse / Addict

I am writing to save my life; it's the only thing that helps these days. I feel like a nurse again with a critical patient, except there's no Doctor on call, and the patient is me. The Computer desk is my stretcher, Coffee is my nitro spray, Cigarettes are my O2, and my pen is my IV . . . but there's no morphine to numb the pain anymore. My journal is my ECG and rhythm shows ventricular fibrillation, the laptop is my crash cart . . . Clear . . . C'mon Ben . . . ECG still shows in v-fib . . . clear . . . Normal Sinus Rhythm . . . He's OK . . . You're . . . OK . . . it's OK . . . your families here Ben, It's over now, and you're going to be all right . . . I'm going to be all right . . .