Ugly as HELL: (an autobiography)

I am not kidding when I say this book has balls. Behold! Ugly as HELL features 272 pages of mind-searing content. So, what is this book, exactly? What kind of stuff is in there? In this book, I artfully disembowel: Food studies, hyphenated names, house liquor, "pre-destroyed" pants, good looks, myself (of course), The End of the World, and so much more! NOTHING IS SAFE, and we love it. Need more? In this book, you will learn about: What a "Foint" is, the origins of the world's largest Monte Cristo sandwich, what it's like to be an actor, how to name a band properly, how and why people REALLY hook up, and how "chin remotes" work. Do you STILL need more? Binge Drinking! True Love! Single-wide Trailers! Birth! Drug Binges! Business Strategy! Quitting your Job! Enlightenment! ...Is any of this sinking in? Actually, there are only 3 things NOT in this book; 2 of them haven't been invented yet, and the 3rd one is illegal! You're not gonna get much else out of only ink and wood--believe me, I've tried! NEW in this, the Final Edition: A whole year's worth of monthly horoscopes! That's 144 surreal and humbling fates for you to look forward to. Awesome!