This book evolved from years of practice of a psychotherapist treating hundreds of individuals and couples. After several years, Dr. Brissie began to notice patterns in the problems of couples and devised a theory as to why relationships fail and developed solutions which proved successful in her practice. The most popular part of the book is an identification of roles individuals assume in their primary relationships with their spouses or significant others. For example a Critical (controlling) person usually chooses a Rebellious (Passive or Aggressive) person. A Rescuer chooses a Compliant person; both groups could never understand how they were ever attracted to each other or complained "he/she is not the same person I first met." After couples were able to see these characteristics in themselves and others, they learned to better communicate and work on undesirable behaviors. Most couples learned the greatest enemy to a relationship is 'built resentment" by one or both parties, thus making communication a vital part of a healthy relationship. The realities of divorce is also included in the book describing the ultimate impact on all members of the family and the families of origin.
Another part of the book is designed to help individuals gain insight into knowing themselves better, thus improving communications skills and improving all relationships. No self help book is complete without helping readers improve their self esteem and educating them about how therapy can help. The author presents suggestions for finding a good therapist. The book is written without psychological jargon thus making it easy to read and understand. Many find it excellent as a future reference.
After the first publication, the author was invited to be a keynote speaker at McLean Hospital (one of Harvard's teaching hospitals)during a mental health week. The book is currently on Dr. Harville Hendrix's recommended reading list. It remains timely after many years in our current social networking, multiple marriage, complex society. The author hopes you will find it helpful to you as it has been to the majority of her clients and readers.