There is a point in our lives when we seem to stand in the center of our own decision about who we are and how we want to be. It comes after enough of the past pain, resentment and grief have been spent, enough deep holes and yearnings have been filled, enough baggage from the past has been dealt with. Now that we've restored ourselves to a "good enough" status, we're ready to meet life more or less as it is happening.
At this point we need to recognize which attitudes and behavior patterns will serve us throughout the rest of our lives and which need to be let go. Can the lives we have envisioned for ourselves flourish under the weight of carried resentment from the past? What does it cost us in terms of happiness and well-being to hang on to the blame and hurt?