Wilaru Chronicles -- Volume 8 (The Wilaru Chronicles)

The Wilaru Chronicles

Volume 8

David G. Wilaru, a brief biography:

David G. Wilaru is a resident of the San Francisco Bay Area town of Silicon City which is located north of San Jose, south of San Francisco, east of Los Gatos and west of Milpitas. If you cannot exactly pinpoint Silicon City on the map, just consider it a state-of-mind.

David G. Wilaru’s early employment was in the creative paperwork allocation and re-allocation sector but he always knew that his true calling was to be a Wordsmith. After his divorce he pursued his dream of a writing career with a stint drafting product manuals for Godzilla Brothers, Inc., penning the user manuals for such cutting edge Godzilla Brothers’ products as the Delilah Magic Hedge Trimmer, the Trident Electric Fork and Wordbuster, the world’s first solar powered fountain pen.

After leaving Godzilla Brother after his unfortunate involvement with Dr. Werner Buick’s Thirty Day Plan and overcome with ennui, Mr. Wilaru founded SCRAP, The Surrender Company Representing All People, a project that, unfortunately, led to his brief confinement in the Feldman-Margolis Memorial Psychiatric Ward where he edited the patient newsletter, Four Soft Walls.

After his release from the Feldman-Margolis Center, Mr. Wilaru went on to hold a senior public relations position with the Silicon City medical appliances company, BodySpares, Inc. where he directed the marketing effort for the Mirage Artificial Pancreas 690 RG.

After BodySpares’ unfortunate difficulties with the SEC, Mr. Wilaru joined the start-up, Xcitement, Inc., where he designed the marketing campaign for the Xcitement Confidential Advisor (popularly known as “The Brain Box”) and singlehandedly coined the slogan “Get Sane At Warp Speed.” After Xcitement’s sudden bankruptcy, Mr. Wilaru took over as the head of Marketing and Public Relations for Memories-R-Us, Inc. where he directed the advertising strategy for the Dog Box and other Memories-R-Us products.

It was during this high-tech marketing period that, in his spare time, Mr. Wilaru wrote his first paperback novel, the moderately successful Grip Melman, Garbage Detective: The Case Of The Hostess In The Can. After the unfortunate litigation generated by the book’s Second Printing Party, Mr. Wilaru obtained a position as a free-lance writer and later as a staff reporter for The American Inquisitor Weekly News Magazine, a post which he still holds today.

A self-described obsessive-compulsive Wordsmith, Mr. Wilaru regularly writes about subjects of topical interest including Gay Marriage, Hollywood Culture, the rapid growth of Amnesiology, the Patriot Act, Middle East Developments, UFO Babies and other matters of broad general appeal.

These articles have been collected under the heading, The Wilaru Chronicles.

This is Volume 8 of the Wilaru Chronicles and contains the following stories:

Number 1 With A Bullet

Professor Wirewheel explains the real reason why we went to war against Iraq – the need to prove that the USA is still number one with a bullet.

Not Necessarily News

Stolen minutes of a meeting of George Bush’s media consultants reveal the secret campaign strategy that won him the election.

Lost & Found

Has anything just plain disappeared from your home? Have you considered that you might be the victim of a space-warp? It’s more common than you might think.

Collateral Damage

When you have an enemy, you just have to get rid of him, no matter what. Sadly, that occasionally results in Collateral Damage.

The Right Part For The Right Job

What is all this talk about Gay Marriage anyway? Of course that can’t work. Don’t people understand that you have to have the right part for the right job?

Approximate total, 12,000 words

Copyright David Alexander writing as David Wilaru 2009