A Friend in God

A Friend in God is a translation of the very first book written specifically about Christian friendship. Brother Aelred, the abbot of the Cistercian monastery of Rievalux, in Yorkshire, England, guides you in building friendships that are spiritually powerful. Good Christian friendships, he says, deepen and purify our love for God, just as our love for God deepens and purifies our friendships. He boldly suggests a slight change in the well-known verse from the Apostle John’s first letter: “He who abides in friendship abides in God, and God in him” (4:16). These are striking words, coming from a monk in the 12th-century!
Aelred was born in 1109 near the city of Durham in Northumberland, the son of a Saxon priest. He received his early education at the Scottish court, and remained there to become chief steward of the king’s household. When he was 24, as part of a profound conversion to Christ, he joined the community of monks at Rievaulx. He was made abbot in 1147, a post which he held until his death 20 years later.
Aelred’s engaging personality comes across clearly. He searches the Bible and the early church fathers to compile a solid basis for Christian friendship, then adds his own profoundly human and compassionate understanding of ordinary folks and of the ins and outs of daily life.
Aelred’s openness and personal warmth come across loud and clear. Originally titled Spiritali Amicitia, or “Spiritual Friendship,” this book isn’t a theoretical treatise or a list of principles. He simply writes a series of relaxed conversations between himself and several of his brothers in the monastery. This dialogue format creates something like a three-act play, with entrances and exits, interactions among the characters, and even some moments of wry humor.
Aelred is a trustworthy guide. He himself found a friend in God, and built his human friendships on the foundation of God’s love. He gives all of us, his brothers and sisters in Christ, wise and useful guidance in building our own friendships on that same firm foundation of the profound and mutual love of God.