If I Could . . .: Isabella - Autobiography, Dreams, Desires, & Healing of an Abuse Victim

In this heart breaking autobiography of an abuse victim, a single mother dares to dream. She shares the pain that shaped, and created her identity, and her desires. The book follows a woman’s life, abused from childhood, heartbroken many times over. Always giving of herself to others. Always loving and caring for others. But yet, there is such a great void in her life. A void created from her pain. A void she feels could only be filled with great passion, with unbridled love. Her heart craves to feel the warmth, and magic, she remembers from childhood, the warmth and magic of hugs, and kisses, of unconditional love. Her secret passions, and desires, come to life as she searches her heart, and soul, for direction. She creates the imaginary lover, who would make her life complete. An erotic musing of a woman, so very lost in her own pain, and insanity. Is there a man out there that can be her lover? That can fulfill her passionate desires? Would she find the strength to let him in, if he found her? Would there be a man out there, who would dare to love Isabella?

In the first part, she shares her past, an autobiography of sorts. This is written to help you see into the heart, and soul, of the woman who calls herself “Isabella”. Her life was shaped by pain. Those she trusted most, hurt her so very deeply. She was not only tormented physically and emotionally, but she was also tormented as she slept, in a most hideous fashion. For her, the price of love has been so great. She wonders, if there can be love without pain. She longs to feel the embrace of a man, to feel loved, but is so afraid to let him in, if he were to find her. This is who she is.

In the second part, she opens her heart, mind and soul. We see bits of insanity caused from pain, extreme desire, and fear of love. It is a combination of erotic thoughts and dreams, intermingled with some extremely erotic poetry. There are some particularly erotic scenes in chapters 7-12. These chapters are very sexually explicit. Read at your own risk and judgment. There is a reason why this erotic section is part of the book. If you choose to read chapters 7-12, consider yourself warned.

In the conclusion, Isabella searches for true healing, for love. When chapter 13 is read, it will make sense. It has to do with how the mind can be affected by all the things Isabella endured, the torments of her soul, and her minds interpretation of these events. It also has to do with Isabella accepting herself as a whole being. Besides being a mother, healer, and so much more – she is also a passionate lover, with no man to love. She has only her dreams.

The author, still suffering great emotional scars, attempts to share her past with the reader, to help you understand why she has such great longings she refuses to give in to. She hopes other women can recognize themselves as abuse victims, to understand how they got there, and how to find freedom. It can be a very harsh road to freedom, with a high price, and many sacrifices. It’s a road worth taking.

The author recognizes she has severe emotional scaring. So great is that scaring, she cannot openly admit to herself all the pain she, and her children, have endured. She shares her story through a made up character, named Isabella. The events Isabella goes through are true, as best the author can remember. Isabella relives the life in her place, so she won’t have to suffer through it again in remembering. Isabella dreams the dreams the author denies herself.

This book is described as being Wonderful, Beautiful, Powerful, Erotic, Sensual, Open, and Authentic. An honest concept. A single page might elicit both laughter and tears from the reader, as the author shares her life in her own unique fashion.