He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: A Memoir of Finding Faith, Hope, and Happily Ever After

From the Introduction... Imagine, if you will, the following: I am thirty-two, single, and driving through Buffalo, where my large, loving family has gathered for an unexpected funeral. My boyfriend Mark (whom I sometimes refer to as my "life partner" in an attempt to give our relationship a veneer of permanence) just told me that he doesn't plan to get married - ever. Now I'm making my way down a nondescript highway trying to find my hotel, listening to Sarah McLachlan wail on the radio and watching the minutes tick by. I think about my relatives and their happy marriages, happy children, happy lives. Hanging out with these families decimates my carefully crafted story of how lucky I am to be unmarried, unencumbered, free to live a life of change and adventure. I feel like a character in one of those Sex And the City episodes that makes you think, "Wow, I'm glad I'm not her!" I'm her. I drive past a video store advertising a new release of Cinderella. "I want my Prince Charming," I whisper. "I want to get married, I want to build a real life." This is the first time in years I've spoken the truth out loud, even to myself. I pull up to a light and reach into my bag for a tissue. That's when I hear The Voice. It comes out of nowhere and says, in the most matter-of-fact way possible, "I have more for you. I want you to want more for yourself." It sounds (don't laugh) like James Earl Jones, calling from his wireless phone commercial to scold me for not living up to my potential. "I have a husband for you, and a family," he says. "But you need to take Jesus seriously." He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not is the story of what came next - how the search for the right guy turned into the search for the right God, and (spoiler alert!) how I wound up with my own fairy tale ending.