Bud Barkin, Private Eye

Dear Reader,
The guy who usually writes these letters asked me to do it instead. Maybe he was having a bad writing day. Maybe he wanted me to play the sap for him. Or maybe he ran into Trouble with a capital T.
Well, Trouble's my business. I'm a dog. I'm a detective. The name's Bud Barkin. And this book is about a case I had involving a dame named Delilah Gorbish, whom I would call Trouble with a capital T except I've used that metaphor already, and a clown named Crusty Carmady whose calling card is a teakettle that he heaves through windows. Nice pair of birds. The mystery deepens with another character called the Big Fish, who isn't really a fish and who's addicted to the Home Shopping Network.
Hey, I don't write 'em -- I just solve 'em. If you're interested you might want to come along for the ride, which is wilder than a bunch of English teachers at a grammar fair. Just remember: I do all the similes.
Yours truly, Bud Barkin, P.E.