Never Clean Your House During Hurricane Season

Before Katrina, Modine Gunch was Everywoman who fought with pantyhose until they went out of style, shoved dirty dishes into the oven when her mother-in-law was coming up the walk, shudderingly oversaw school science projects involving roaches, and insisted that a dish that didn't survive the dishwasher didn't deserve to live. Her family's adventures have tickled the funnybones of New Orleans Magazine readers for 25 years and have appeared in two books: Never Heave your Bosom in a Front-Hook Bra and Never Sleep With a Fat Man in July. But in 2005, home was where the levees broke. The Gunch family's houses, strung comfortably close together along one block, were among those washed away. So the Gunches found out that they were double-wide and their FEMA trailers weren't; "Don't come knockin' if this trailer's rockin'" meant somebody was stretched out in the vibrating recliner; and the talent God gave Modine was for cleaning out putrid refrigerators. But five years later, the Gunches are still standing -- when they're not second-lining.