Mr. Ed: Dead: And Other Obituaries of the Most Famous People Who Never Lived

"We Regret To Announce The Following Passings:"

Flying Nun Violates DC Airspace, Shot Down

Betty Crocker Dead at 88; Rich But No Longer Moist

Little Engine Could; Brakes Could Not

Mr. Ripley, talented at social climbing; not so talented at mountain climbing

Twinkling Little Star Explodes in Supernova; Scientists No Longer Wonder What It Is

Inigo Montoya, 50, unprepared to die

Intestinal Blockage Claims Life of Dagwood Bumstead, 51

A Bottle of Red, A Bottle of White & A Sad Tragedy on Long Island

And Unfortunately, More Announcements To Be Found When You Kindly Turn To The Inside Pages.

Every day, the obituaries are the first section millions of newspaper readers turn to, especially eager for the tributes to the rich, famous, powerful—and dead. The problem is, you never hear what happened to some of our favorite (and not so favorite) fictional pop culture icons.

Mr. Ed: Dead gives everyone from Barney the Dinosaur to Betty Crocker, the AFLAC Duck, Wilbur the Pig, Little Orphan Annie, Cinderella, the Pillsbury Doughboy, and dozens of others the one thing they've never had; a proper send-off. Did Dick and Jane mature to productive adulthood, or succumb to the mire of adolescent angst? Does the ever lovable Barney escape the prospect of extinction? Where is Waldo? (Really. We should have heard from him by now).