Angel on My Shoulder, Demon in My Ear

The old wives' tale says: every person has an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. I bloody well wish someone would have told me it was true.

At the age of 32, I, Theodore Banner, was the most unlucky bloke I'd ever had the displeasure of coming across. I had a horrid job, a dirty wanker of a boss, and a pathetically shanty flat. Then, one random day, as it so often happens, I met the most charming chap and most beautiful woman I'd ever seen - and both wanted to befriend me! And as if that weren't queer enough, it turned out that the man was my demon, and the woman was my angel. Bollocks, that was quite a bit to wrap my head around. But even that, I could handle. Then, they began to fight over me...