The Tough & Tender Caregiver: A Handbook for the Well Spouse

This book gives caregivers of chronically ill/disabled partners the knowledge and sophistication to take better care of themselves, and thereby take better care of their ill spouses. It challenges the wisdom of society’s typical advice to caregivers: “suck it up,” “hang in there,” or “things could be worse.” These are messages of ignorance which imply there is no light at the end of the tunnel, that caregiving is a death sentence. Instead, this upbeat book educates and encourages the reader with a completely unique understanding of how relationships really work. The brain has a mind of its own and keeps track of the exchange of social credits with an Internal Ledger. Caregivers invest more than they can possibly get back from their spouse, so their internal ledger is perpetually out of balance. They feel “owed,” their interpersonal and intimacy needs are not met, and this leads to burnout and poor physical and mental health. This instruction manual can solve these problems.