The Little Book of Misfortune Cookies

Having conducted extensive research into Fortune Cookies, it is my professional opinion that they are relatively useless. Most of the time, they dole out compliments and bits of advice that have no particular relevance to the individual receiving them and when they actually do attempt to predict the future, it's often lacking in specifics and only ever tells you good things in store for you. But what good is that? Knowing you're going to win a lottery or find true love only spoils the surprise! I eventually came to the conclusion that Fortune Cookies would be much more useful if they were Misfortune Cookies: letting you know about your negative traits so that you might work on rectifying them, informing you of how pathetic you are so that you might rally yourself to do better, and most importantly, telling you about all the unpleasant occurrences that are about to befall you, so that you can prepare your last will and testament and say goodbye to the few loved ones you may actually have. That, in a nutshell, is what this book is all about. Contained herein is a selection of some of the best misfortunes that never made it into a cookie, but most certainly should have.