Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship
Book Details
Author(s)George W. Stewart
PublisherDog Ear Publishing, LLC
ISBN / ASIN1457502089
ISBN-139781457502088
MarketplaceFrance 🇫🇷
Description
Frequent flying is sometimes unpleasant. Sometimes in extremis. This is the antidote.
Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship is a collection of humorous or incongruous short stories and one-liners, sometimes sophisticated, which ameliorate the annoyances of frequent flying. One-Upmanship because some of the information is unknown to most people. It provides smiles and chuckles, punctuated by an occasional guffaw. It's created for the Frequent Flyer by a former Frequent Flyer.
Reservations
Check-in
Baggage
Boarding
Passengers
Flight Attendants
Airports
Airlines
Aircraft
Aircraft Maintenance
Lingo Decoding
Flight Training
Pilots
Pilot Quotes
Flying
Military Air
Control Tower
Landing
Excerpts
On a nice little De Havilland twin prop, Toronto to Baltimore: "Okay, so we have fifteen of you today. Anyone not flown before?
Good. No virgins. Then I'll do the short version.
Exits over the wings, life jackets beneath the seats, oxygen masks drop out of the ceiling. Put them on in the usual way. Seats up. Belts on. Read the cards. Enjoy your flight. Questions?"
You're traveling too much when you see the same flight attendants twice in the same day. And they know your name.
Jet Lag: "Wallet in refrigerator. Where's the milk?"
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
"We're ready to begin boarding Flight 1234 with service from Miami to Atlanta. Due to a weight problem with the aircraft, we are going to limit you to one piece of carry-on luggage. Any additional items will have to be checked."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash has brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Great Airline Lies
Short hold for a gate
Short hold for Air Traffic Control
Brief holding pattern
Slight delay
Momentary re-boarding
Light turbulence
Near the conclusion of an extremely turbulent American Airlines flight, a cabin attendant finished his "stowed-tray-table-and-upright-seat" speech with a cheerful, "We'd like to thank you for flying American Airlines. But if you were displeased with the flight, thank you for flying United."
Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship is a collection of humorous or incongruous short stories and one-liners, sometimes sophisticated, which ameliorate the annoyances of frequent flying. One-Upmanship because some of the information is unknown to most people. It provides smiles and chuckles, punctuated by an occasional guffaw. It's created for the Frequent Flyer by a former Frequent Flyer.
Reservations
Check-in
Baggage
Boarding
Passengers
Flight Attendants
Airports
Airlines
Aircraft
Aircraft Maintenance
Lingo Decoding
Flight Training
Pilots
Pilot Quotes
Flying
Military Air
Control Tower
Landing
Excerpts
On a nice little De Havilland twin prop, Toronto to Baltimore: "Okay, so we have fifteen of you today. Anyone not flown before?
Good. No virgins. Then I'll do the short version.
Exits over the wings, life jackets beneath the seats, oxygen masks drop out of the ceiling. Put them on in the usual way. Seats up. Belts on. Read the cards. Enjoy your flight. Questions?"
You're traveling too much when you see the same flight attendants twice in the same day. And they know your name.
Jet Lag: "Wallet in refrigerator. Where's the milk?"
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
"We're ready to begin boarding Flight 1234 with service from Miami to Atlanta. Due to a weight problem with the aircraft, we are going to limit you to one piece of carry-on luggage. Any additional items will have to be checked."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash has brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Great Airline Lies
Short hold for a gate
Short hold for Air Traffic Control
Brief holding pattern
Slight delay
Momentary re-boarding
Light turbulence
Near the conclusion of an extremely turbulent American Airlines flight, a cabin attendant finished his "stowed-tray-table-and-upright-seat" speech with a cheerful, "We'd like to thank you for flying American Airlines. But if you were displeased with the flight, thank you for flying United."
