My Pink Journey in Black and White: A Summary of My Emotional Turmoil, After Being Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

A message from the Author Life is just not fair, I thought, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer on June 06, 2005. I had never been sick in my adult life, not even a severe cold. I was in the middle of planning my wedding for July 02, 2005, which was suppose to be an exciting and joyous occasion, yet now the only thing I could think about was breast cancer and will I live or will I die. The life I had planned was now being shattered. I knew nothing about breast cancer. The remote conversations I had engaged in were generally, limited, hushed and daunting. Therefore my diagnosis was governed by confusion, fear and anger which led to quick decision making with unfamiliar choices. There were many times I felt misunderstood. These feelings guided me to a place of loneliness and isolation, even when I was surrounded by those that loved me. During this time of vexation, I returned back to my special place of consolation..."journaling." I began journaling as a teen and considered this to be my personal and private time. This was a time for me to write about special moments, and occurrences. I would frequently reflect on previous entries in my journal. Doing so enabled me to assess my mental growth and my overall development as a person. Journaling always served as a genuine self- evaluation tool. During my breast cancer journey, journaling became my greatest support. I would write my feelings and thoughts and hide my deepest fears. Journaling gave me comfort in knowing my inner feelings would not be judged, or compared to others. Journaling taught me to be a better listener and also how to gently love myself back to a position that would enable me to reconcile with myself and sometimes even with God, that same God that I found myself at times questioning him about my predicament . Now eight years later, I decided to compile the entries from my journal into the form of poetry, memoirs and short stories. These excerpts reveal moments of fr