Tears Of A Clown (Memoirs Of A Gospel Preacher)

Growing up in the early 70s I loved Motown music and of course, if you love Motown you loved Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. They made a lot of great music, but their only number one Pop and R&B hit was the 1970s smash, “The Tears of a Clown”. The song is full of irony and innuendo as Smokey explains “Just like Pagliacci (the tragic Italian clown) did, I try to keep my sadness hid, smiling in the public eye… but in my lonely room, I cry the tears of a clown…when there’s no one around.” Twenty years later I found out what Smokey meant when he said, “If there’s a smile on my face I’m just trying to fool the public”. Not quite 30 years old and serving my second pastorate, there were some days that I had to paint on a face in order to hide my true feelings of fear, loneliness, and rejection. The seventh century BC prophet Jeremiah could attest that the preacher’s job is often unappreciated and at best misunderstood. In many of those anxious, uncomfortable hours, I found consolation in writing sermons. Paul explained to the Corinthian church, “Since God in His wisdom saw to it that the world would never know Him through human wisdom, He used our foolish preaching to save those who believe” (1 Corinth 1:21 NLT). In this volume and the remaining six you will read my tears, written when no one was around. As for the designation “a clown”, I would imagine every preacher in every culture feels like a clown sometimes, trying to keep the folks at the circus engaged while dealing with personal conflicts.