The Grand Adventures OF Inspector Toadius McGee: Book One: January's Jewel (Volume 1)

Most detective stories start with a phrase such as: It was a dark and stormy night, or The second she walked into the door I knew she was trouble. But this story, I dare say, is not most detective stories, for this story begins with the phrase: I exited out of the cab and promptly stepped into a pile of dog poop. This is the story of the greatest detective to ever live. His name is Toadius McGee.
My name is Dr. John R. Boarhog, Professional Linguistics Professor, and Amateur Writer. I have been tasked to collect, organize, and ultimately recall The Grand Adventures of Inspector Toadius McGee.
There’s been a break in at the New York Metropolitan Museum of Natural History. The Egypt’s Fire, the world’s largest ruby, has gone missing. Can Toadius and I solve the clues and find the missing ruby, or will we be out-witted by the infamous criminal mastermind, THE MAUVE MOTH?
Warning: this book contains Adventure, Romance, Master Criminals, Monkeys, Dancing Mummies, Blueberry Pancakes, Riddles, Large Moths, Jazz Music, and a very, very bad Stage Magician. Do not read if you have a hatred for fun, creativity, or the written word. Please be careful when reading on ski lifts, escalators, or while walking on tight ropes, for laugher has the tendency of making people lose their balance. Studies have shown reading this book may cause your head to swell with knowledge, and may cause your family to grow closer together though the power of storytelling. In some cases children have been known to come down with a disease called “Avid-reader-itis.” Side effects include: video game aversion, a decrease in ruckus making, abnormal displays of intelligence, and less time listing to that “NOISE.”