A Tortured Soul: A Memoir of Psychosis & Survival

‘Goodwill, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!’ They pointed a gun at my head and they were going to kill me, they told me: ‘Goodwill, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.’ how did I end up in this situation? I will tell you. My name is Arthur Goodwill and this is my story, I will start from the beginning… This book is the true story of an individuals experiences of psychosis (Hearing Voices) and recovery. It is essentially an autobiography or memoir of a sufferer of psychosis. If you have ever wondered what it is like to be a schizophrenic or to suffer from mental health problems such as psychosis then look no further than this book. It also provides tips on how the author coped with psychosis. It has been described as "sobering" but also "funny in places" as it demonstrates the life of Arthur Goodwill and the imagined torture that he suffers. Introduction: This book is the true story of my experience of having a psychotic breakdown. Everything written here is true, I have however changed the names of all of the characters to protect their identities, in case they do not want to be identified. I wrote this book to show the world what it is like to experience psychosis and hear voices. Hopefully having texts like this ‘out there’ will raise awareness of psychosis and other mental disorders such as schizophrenia and depression. My intention in writing this book is to normalize these experiences and limit the stigmatism and prejudice suffers of mental health problems experience. Hopefully those who have not suffered these problems will be able to see things from a sufferer’s point of view and be more willing to accept them as individuals after reading this text. As one of the above quotes demonstrates people who do not know the facts about mental illness fill in the gaps of reality with fantasy or information they have gathered from the media, most of this negative. I hope to change this through education. This book is basically a short autobiography or memoir that mainly focuses on incidents which have lead me to experience psychosis, and that demonstrate what it is like to hear voices. I also found writing this book very cathartic and calming, for the first time I felt able to convey some of my experiences to others, ones that I could not convey in words before. In essence I am also attempting to decode my own experiences of psychosis in addition to sharing them with willing readers. In order for readers to have the experience of hearing voices I have included things the voices say throughout the text, this sometimes disrupts the narrative and is similar in style to Vladimir Nobokov’s Pale Fire, or Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves, my aim being to mimic the effects the voices have on my own conscious and the interruption and distress they cause. I will italicize these comments so that they do not confuse the reader. The voices I hear are actually those of two former friends, whom I have chosen to call Kian Fosco and Dale Bile, and occasionally a third unknown voice also comes into play. Mostly it is Kian’s voice that I hear and that you will read. I will explore the voices later in the book. I have however kept the use of this technique to a minimum to avoid unsettling the reader too much, I have also toned down some of the graphic details that the voices go into for the sake of everybody’s sanity!