Call Me Ishmael

After Ishmael's boat sinks, he is thrust into a struggle to preserve the universe from an implosion caused by Eisenhower's retro-active admission of the state of Ohio! Surrounded by a bizarre fellowship, does Ishmael have the right stuff to save trillions of worlds, solve the mystery of his missing father, find love, and discover the perfect boat, all in 48 hours?

How can you save the universe if it won't hold still?

If these critics existed, this is what they might say:

"Sweet mother of all conspiracy theories!!!" Name withheld

"...paints an inaccurate portrait of school bus drivers." School Bus Driver Anti-defamation League

"...shows a complete lack of understanding of quantum physics and string theory..." North American Institute of Physicists and Theorists.

"...we are...not amused." Her Imperial Majesty, Queen Victoria

"Seems calculated to undermine public trust in the fairness and constitutionality of the federal tax code." IRS Home-Oriented Compliance Task Force

"It is clear the author has never seen, much less held, a steam-powered style flamethrower. They are much cooler." Center for Scientific Accuracy in SteamPunk Fiction

"There is an 11.1% chance that the author has indeed discovered the last digit in pi..." Society for Rounding Numbers to Rational Numbers of Integers

"Where are the sparkly vampires?" www. facebook.com/everybookneedssparklyvampires