The Very Odd Substitute Explains the Trojan War

Our school is under Code Red, Intruder Alert. Police sirens are screaming, doors are locking, and windows are slamming shut. I'm not afraid. I understand what is happening, and why.
When Mrs. Hoffknocker was absent (again) an unusual substitute arrived and ignored her well crafted lesson plans to deliver, instead, his version of the events of the Trojan War. He also told his charges (us) that if he tells the tale correctly, we will all skip school and go spend and afternoon with their fathers.
Along the way, he taught us about war, truth, and why some infinities are bigger than others. Then he gave us a really funny joke, and told us to go home. He was a pretty good sub.