Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

Fear of the dark can happen when young two-to-three year olds are old enough to imagine but have not yet learned to distinguish fantasy from reality. Their little imaginations can run wild at night. They feel vulnerable after watching something over stimulating on television or in books. Overactive imaginations can take over when they’re lying alone in the dark. Make sure an older sibling is not scaring your little one with threatening ideas of monsters who will get them. Ask, “Is anyone scaring you about someone or something that will get you at night?”

Empower your child. Help your child distinguish between imagination and reality. Talk to them about their wonderful mind that can make up stories and ideas and that is called the imagination. Teach Reality as what they can see, hear or touch in the real world. Teach positive self-talk by asking your child what he will say or do if his imagination starts to run away with him. Practice some self-empowering phrases such as “I’m strong. I can take care of myself. I take ten big breaths and sleep comes quickly. Reassure your child that his fear of the dark is normal and it’s something that he is learning about. Don’t belittle your child or say that feeling scared is silly. Help your child label his emotions. Name ‘em and tame ‘em is the first step in distress tolerance which is recognizing and dealing with uncomfortable feelings. Normalize scary and angry emotions and show your child how to work with them instead of being overwhelmed by them. Feeling anxious and afraid are only feelings and feelings are meant to be felt and then talked about. Make a bedtime ritual by reading a book at night after a warm bath to help your child wind down from a busy day. Demonstrate self-soothing approaches such as deep breathing and counting, saying daily gratitudes and loving prayers.

Don’t let your child do sleepovers in your bed. You want your child to learn self-soothing tools to cope with his fear not you solving his problem for him. This might be hard if you are extra tired or need to have the comfort of your child sleeping next to you. The role of a parent is to help your child become self-sufficient. Your child is not there for your needs to be met through him or her. You teach resilience when you praise your child’s self-talk statements that verbalize being strong and taking care of his scary feelings.