Laughing All The Way To The White House

You've probably had one of those days where life just pisses you off so much you gotta let it out or explode. That's the situation our narrator is facing. He's been following the presidential campaign closely since it's inception. It's confusing. It doesn't make sense. So he begins a letter writing campaign to the candidates, albeit from his unique perspective as an inmate of a mental facility.

The result is a unique--oftentimes perverted, and funny look at Decision 2016, and the Presidential frontrunners.
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No one is safe here. Whether you're a Republican, Democrat, a member of the Tea Party, or belong to some other oddball group, your candidate is going to take a drubbing

Here's a letter to Marco Rubio.

Dear Mr. Rubio:

Have you ever tried Googling your name and “idiot” in the same search?

What a can of worms that opens up.

The headline from The Gawker screams, “Get to Know Marco Rubio, the Biggest Idiot running for president.” The Political Outcast proclaims, “Marco Rubio is a big, dumb idiot.” New York Magazine says, “Rubio’s ideas about energy terrifyingly stupid.” And, Wonkette proudly states, “Marco Rubio says dumb words about Iran, is dumb and stupid. Huh!”
I could go on, but you get the idea.

There are a lot of smart people out there who think you may have a problem. On The Big Bang Theory Sheldon told his friends his “mom had him tested.” Can you say the same?

I don’t like to assign labels to people, but it appears as if a large portion of the press is against you, just doesn’t like you, or doesn’t trust the way you think. I know, it’s easy to say the press is being unfair, or they’re using you as their whipping boy. One week they’re attacking Donald Trump for the crazy shit that keeps spewing out of his mouth, the next week they’re back to attacking Hillary for her email server fiasco, and the next week, they’re back at it assaulting you for being an idiot, or JEB Bush, for being a Bush.

It doesn’t make sense.

But if you look at it from their point of view, you don’t grow your readership by saying what a great guy Marco Rubio is. Readers, like monkeys, enjoy it when the press flings shit at politicians. We want to see what sticks.

Anyway, none of that really answers the question—is Marco Rubio an idiot, or not?
Only time will tell.

Your friend,
Nick

Or, there's this one to Carly Fiorina.

Dear Carly:

That Donald Trump is really something, huh? Comparing your face to a garbage dump in Rolling Stone?

That’s gotta sting!

I suppose you could come back with a snarky quote about his hair, or his four bankruptcies, or his million and one other comments about women.

I know, you think Donald was being sexist, but he insists his comment had nothing to do with your appearance. He told CNN he thinks you have a “beautiful face.” He was talking about your persona. Your public image offends him, not your face.

Here’s the thing.

The Donald is basically harmless. Similar to Abraham Lincoln, Mr. Trump likes to raise a laugh by making some bold off-color remark, and then he moves off in the cloud of merriment produced by his joke.

Humor is trump’s defining characteristic. It’s how he expresses himself, and how he communicates his ideas.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But, none of that really matters. Win, lose, or draw, Trump gets what he wants. For days, sometimes weeks, after he says something people are still talking about the crazy shit spilling out of The Donald’s mouth.

Seriously. Your best revenge is to ignore him. That will piss him off more than anything else you can do.

Your friend,
Nick